Onions may have more layers than we think

In a recent study conducted by scientists at the Fictional Institute of Facts, head scientist Bulb Allium has suggested he's made some astonishing findings. He'll be publishing the results of the study in the near future but if confirmed by the end of the study it could be truly groundbreaking.

"Well the idea of this study is to see what cognitive functions and learning patterns and abilities we could find in onions. I first thought of doing this research when I was at the park with my dog throwing a stick and waiting for him to fetch it and bring it back. I thought to myself, well plants and animal are both alive, so if my dog can perform this behaviour, surely the onion I had in my vegetable basket at home could do the same" Allium says.

He then went on to say "So far most of the dogs we've studied have been able to learn to fetch, but a few of them are just completely disinterested. None of the onions have actually fetched the ball or stick yet, however my hypothesis is that rather than the onions being unable to learn and play, I believe that just like a small portion of the dogs they're just not interested in doing so".

If Allium is correct in his assumptions, it will give assurances to humans consuming animal products that their choices may not in fact lead to the unnecessary suffering animal rights activists claim it does and that there's now solid science to back it up.